So many different emotions as I sit here. So much craziness on the news, on Facebook, on the internet in general. And in the midst of it all, one story hit me harder than any other piece of news out there right now. An acquaintance from college recently passed away from cancer early Tuesday morning. The outpour of remembrance and grief commemorating who he was and how he had touched lives made me look down at my own life and wonder “what is all of this worth?”
It has been easy transitioning into a Christ-less lifestyle. Pretending to be Christian, thinking all day about being a better follower but never actually doing anything about it. I’ve adjusted the focus slowly these past few years from Christ, to Ministry, to career, and then to myself. My own comforts, my own well-being. Striving for what I feel like I should or should not be doing based not on what Christ reveals to me, but on what other people think I should be doing, or what makes me feel better about myself.
So as I read the stories of how this man faced adversity and tribulation with faith and the true hope of a joy beyond compare, I can only examine my own life and see the lack. I have not invested in my relationships, but rather in my quest for comfort I have held back and kept my guard up. “Keep a smiling and don’t ask too many questions. Don’t get close or it might get messy and awkward.”
If tomorrow were my last day here, I would not be satisfied. In fact I may even be ashamed to face my Creator at this juncture in my life. My supposed love for Him is a sham.
Have I forgotten my Father? Tomorrow I want to learn again what His Love is and truly believe again. Consider this a wake up call.
Name: Becky Jiras
Year: 2018 (tentative)
Wearing: Cotton On, thrift store, DIY sweatpants she made skinnier
What was your favorite part of Cal Day? Seeing the campus
Question for the next person: What’s your favorite ice cream flavor?